How do you solve a problem like Maria?

There is a very definite chapter change happening in our lives at the moment. 

And I'm not sure I like it. 

Actually, I'm really mad about it. Angry. Livid. Raging.

But more than that I'm sad. So immensely sad.

For those that don't know, Chris's job, of which he loves and does a bloody amazing job at, has been made redundant. His last day was supposed to be Friday just gone, but when he took a call from a group where the proverbial had just hit the fan, he didn't hesitate to say he would help.  And, as much as it messed with the plan for my week, I didn't say no when he said he wanted us all to come. 

 This is the first place Chris visited this time last year. And our whole family came on that trip too.  We were once again welcomed into the fold, just like any member who turns up to be helpful the week of Christmas. And whilst Chris went to work, and the relief fell over these peoples face as he weaved his magic, I wrapped Christmas presents, guillotined invites for their movie night, made coffee and swept the floor. Our kids did amazingly well and had way too much technology time.  But hey, they also ran on the beach and got soaked to the skin - or running around naked if you are J - and had an amazing evening as well.  

So, as this chapter falls to a close, though I am still trying to work out if God is trying to tell me that this chapter is not yet closed or I'm just living in denial, I know one thing. God gave Chris this job for a very specific purpose. One was that he would have the flexibility our family has needed for the last 12 months. Another has been to surround him with amazing Christian people who genuinely love him and what he does.  They have nurtured him and encouraged him, whilst also letting him spread his wings. And another has been to have us covered in prayer. Many a time has something thats been going on in our family has gone onto their prayer list. 

Now, while we wait to see what the next chapter holds, it's part grief over a job that was so much more than a job, and part anticipation of what next year has in store for us.  It's exhaustion over a year that has not been the easiest.  It's gratitude over all the things that have given us highs. It's acknowledging the learnings from the lows. 

So, if you are a pray-er, hell, even if you aren't, God hears you anyway, please pray for our family.  We would love to know what we are doing next year. What Chris's work looks like.  

All I know, is that the quote from one of my favourite movies is true - when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. 

Looking back.....

I had the amazing opportunity to go out last night with a group of girls who all have kids who have Autism.  It's honestly one of those places that I love to go and chat about all things Autism and spend time hearing how far kids have come, and what's new and what are they doing next.  We also drink wine, so that's a plus, because really, everything is better when a glass of wine is involved. And Sarah ordered Wedges, so that was good too.

One thing stuck me last night. I was telling stories. About some of the most horrific things that have happened over the last....6 years.
Some only in the last few weeks.
Like, J turning all the knobs to full on the stove while the lunchboxes were sitting on top and D coming out of the house yelling "there's smoke, there's smoke,grab your phone we need to get out". This did mean that a fire truck was called. And fortunately there is only a little bit of plastic burnt to my stovetop and that's the extent of the damage which is miraculous because there was a lot of smoke! But sadly the story I told didn't end there, it ended at about midday, when I picked D back up from school after he had decided a teacher was the best thing to take his heightened state out on, by punching, kicking her and pulling her hair. Then punching the lady who came to assist the original teacher. All because his "plan" of the game he was going to play was ruined by a piece of school equipment being broken.
Or going back to the time J was little and still in a pram. D took off in Target to find me, and by the time my mum had turned the pram around he was out of sight.  A lady followed him out of Target and stopped him when he got halfway down the mall because no adult was following him.
Or the time D ran off when J was just a baby at an Australia Day big breakfast. While all the other kids from our Mum's group (who I love and adore, just as an aside) seemingly sat beautifully whilst we ran around thousands of people looking for him.  Getting a phone call from the "lost childrens tent" because we had thought to write our phone number on his arm if such an event were to occur.

I guess my point is, the time my mother in law told me about had come. (Yes, I did just acknowledge that my mother in law was right. I know that would be a shock to some people) It was no longer about the deep emotions that I felt at the time - though I can vividly remember them - but it had become about the story. 

And I did one of two things for the lovely lady of whom it was her first time with us. I either scared her off for good, or alternatively, she thinks that if I can survive that amount of crap, then this is a good group to be in.

I really hope it's the second one :)

Kelly xx

Recharging the Soul

It's our 15th Wedding Anniversary. Or, at least it was, when I wrote this.  I have it all beautifully penned out in my life planning journal (that sounds much more wanky than it really is).


Anyway, after much planning, stressing, anxiety and almost cancelling in the midst of trying to pack on Thursday afternoon, we have finally made it away.

We have dropped the boys at my Mum's house for what I'm sure will be a fabulous time. We drove nearly 3 hours and are currently halfway through our 2 night getaway.

There have been a few things that have struck me since we got here.

• We are both sighing. A lot. It's like we are breathing for the first time in a long time.

• We have both slept. A full nights sleep. And a day nap. Blissful recharge

• It's quiet and yet it's not.  We are surrounded by bush, and listening to the beautiful sounds of the animals around us is amazing.

• We have had uninterrupted conversation, something I forgot how to have effectively. Yes, we have both talked a lot about what's been going on lately, but also with the time to reflect as well.

• I miss my boys. Their smiles. Their cuddles. Their cheekiness. Their smells.

• How much we needed this. To decompress. To just be us. To not be Mum & Dad for just a few days.

The other thing I realised is how much I like spending time with my hubby. How nice it is to snuggle up on the couch and just enjoy his company. Whilst we do this at home, it's always with the nagging thought that the toys need to be picked up or that washing up needs doing. Though perhaps when we do it at home, it is more like we have both fallen in a heap and we are just propping each other up!

And whilst this little weekend away went way too fast and is unfortunately a distant memory only a month after we have had it, I am so glad that we went.  It was amazing to celebrate a massive milestone in our marriage.  Something lots - and almost ours too - don't make it to.
Kelly xx