The blog I really don't want to write

OK, so I don't want to write this.

I have been procrastinating on doing it for the last week. OK, maybe 2.

I kinda feel like putting it on paper, correction - on the screen, makes it all real.

But I feel it's only fair that I let you all know how the rest of the assessment went. That I do you that service.  

After spending 3 hours with a psychologist on the Monday, being asked obscure questions about things that happened particularly between the years of 3 and 4, we came away with a sense that she knew what she was talking about and we felt heard. 

At least I didn't come away questioning whether I had breastfed too much, or not enough. Or hadn't been hard enough on him. Or maybe I had been too hard. Maybe I cuddled him too much, or maybe not enough. Or maybe. Or maybe. Or maybe.

 It did make clear that I had blocked out a lot of the years between 2 and 4 quite successfully, and it was only going back and reading old posts on a forum that I used to vent my frustrations on that helped me remember just how shitty it had been.

The most hilarious thing was the next day, getting to watch D go through his actual assessment.  I reckon the psychologist nearly turned us around halfway down the hallway to the room - going "enough, I've heard enough. Yep, diagnosis granted". Sadly, it wasn't quite as simple as that.  We got to watch through a one way mirror.  It was all I could do to not make "Law & Order" references all the way through.

And whilst watching him and delighting in how amazing and intriguing he is, it occurred to me that he spent the whole time moving.  That he does not stop. And that this is pretty normal when he's not engrossed in lego or minecraft related things.

In the end, we are confirmed that he meets criteria for an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis.  We are also informed that he meets criteria for an ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactive disorder) diagnosis as well.  We had been expecting the ASD diagnosis, that's what we were there for.  The ADHD, not so much, even though that's what the Paediatrician had been suggesting all along, and not seeing the ASD that we saw.  

And since this blog has actually taken me 3 weeks to write, then it has occurred to me that it's taken me a little longer to process than I first thought. It does throw us into a new time of getting D the help that he needs to make things smoother for him.  In this somewhat familiar territory having been in ASD land with J for pretty much 12 months to the day, it's also vastly different as there is no developmental delay to contend with at the same time.

If I seem a little distracted, then my apologies. There's a lot going on at the moment. Feel free to be blunt with me if there's something I should have done and I haven't. But also, feel free to drop in for a cuppa - just don't expect my house to be tidy!

So there we have it. It is done. It is written. 

Much love
Kelly xx

The exhausted extrovert

I have had some amazing opportunities to fill my tank this week just gone.

I did one of those online personality tests. One of those things that it tells you in 20 questions or less (actually, it was 47, but - whatever!) It told me I was an Extroverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving. I'm not quite sure exactly what that means, but it reminded me that I love people.  I love being around people. I love being around people who are not specialists or therapists.

I got the chance last week, thanks to my amazing husband who picked up the parenting reigns with gusto

I got to go to a training course and talk business with the girls in my team, which included dinner with my beautiful friend and upline Kelly (yes, it gets confusing both of us having the same name!).

I got to go out to drinks and dinner with my beautiful life coach and a group of the amazing people who have been through the same course. If you are a woman and need some high performance life coaching, Lauren Heys from Moxxi is your woman.  She's smart, brilliant and very good at what she does. Being surrounded by women who are all interested in looking after one another and supporting each other doing amazing things just makes you want to be better.

Then, to top it off I got a night in Sydney with my best friend which was awesome. To sit and have an uninterrupted conversation. well, except for the cat that jumped up behind me and scared the crap out of me, then had us in hysterics.

We then headed off to a full day course. Oh My God.  Not only did I get to meet one of the women that I have pretty much idolised for the last 2 years, one of her staff that I have become friends with surprised us all by flying up from Melbourne to be there for the day!  Beyond excited! I also got to meet Tamara, another participant who I have become friends with, who I wouldn't have met without The Parental Stress Centre.

After a great day of reinforced learning, lots of people, lots of dancing and jumping up and down and remembering why I keep slogging away at changing my mindset, I also realised some other things.  I realised that I am very much an extrovert. I love being in contact with people. I love sharing what I am learning and love talking to people who are going through similar things.I love talking so much that I missed my train and nearly missed my bus coming home. Kudos goes to the compassionate lady and bus driver at Murray's buses that held my bus while I ran frantically through Central station in the wrong direction trying desperately to get to the bus. My apologies to the gentleman that I plonked myself next to while gasping for breath and sweating like a pig.

I also realised that I am exhausted. As much as I want to be out there and loving people and being in the middle of everything, with the amount of energy it takes functioning around what my family needs of me, then I'm spent and then some. Yes, I could go to bed a little earlier, but facebook, and now this blog is my extrovert outlet.  So, if you are offended that the only contact you get from me is through Facebook messenger - tough titties.  It's the place I can sit on my couch, with my feet up and my bra off and often with a glass of wine in my hand while I interact with the world on a level that at I can manage. So it's not that I don't love you all. It's probably quite the opposite.  At the moment we are just in exhausted mode, and it won't always be like this (Please God don't let it always be like this!). And if we are having a coffee together, and I fall asleep, be a dear and pop a pillow under my head leave me to it.

Kelly xx