The blog I really don't want to write

OK, so I don't want to write this.

I have been procrastinating on doing it for the last week. OK, maybe 2.

I kinda feel like putting it on paper, correction - on the screen, makes it all real.

But I feel it's only fair that I let you all know how the rest of the assessment went. That I do you that service.  

After spending 3 hours with a psychologist on the Monday, being asked obscure questions about things that happened particularly between the years of 3 and 4, we came away with a sense that she knew what she was talking about and we felt heard. 

At least I didn't come away questioning whether I had breastfed too much, or not enough. Or hadn't been hard enough on him. Or maybe I had been too hard. Maybe I cuddled him too much, or maybe not enough. Or maybe. Or maybe. Or maybe.

 It did make clear that I had blocked out a lot of the years between 2 and 4 quite successfully, and it was only going back and reading old posts on a forum that I used to vent my frustrations on that helped me remember just how shitty it had been.

The most hilarious thing was the next day, getting to watch D go through his actual assessment.  I reckon the psychologist nearly turned us around halfway down the hallway to the room - going "enough, I've heard enough. Yep, diagnosis granted". Sadly, it wasn't quite as simple as that.  We got to watch through a one way mirror.  It was all I could do to not make "Law & Order" references all the way through.

And whilst watching him and delighting in how amazing and intriguing he is, it occurred to me that he spent the whole time moving.  That he does not stop. And that this is pretty normal when he's not engrossed in lego or minecraft related things.

In the end, we are confirmed that he meets criteria for an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis.  We are also informed that he meets criteria for an ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactive disorder) diagnosis as well.  We had been expecting the ASD diagnosis, that's what we were there for.  The ADHD, not so much, even though that's what the Paediatrician had been suggesting all along, and not seeing the ASD that we saw.  

And since this blog has actually taken me 3 weeks to write, then it has occurred to me that it's taken me a little longer to process than I first thought. It does throw us into a new time of getting D the help that he needs to make things smoother for him.  In this somewhat familiar territory having been in ASD land with J for pretty much 12 months to the day, it's also vastly different as there is no developmental delay to contend with at the same time.

If I seem a little distracted, then my apologies. There's a lot going on at the moment. Feel free to be blunt with me if there's something I should have done and I haven't. But also, feel free to drop in for a cuppa - just don't expect my house to be tidy!

So there we have it. It is done. It is written. 

Much love
Kelly xx