On the 6th Day of Christmas

12 Days of Christmas - Day 6

On the 6th Day of Christmas I looked after myself by calling in reinforcements. I had a shitty morning, and after a whinge session with one of my friends, I called in reinforcements. Our favourite babysitter, good friend and boss came and hung out with small people so I could go in and out as I needed to get ready for a gingerbread night. 

I had already asked for help at that, but I had to get to the idea that I didn't have to be there for every second of the set up. I left lists of what needed to be done.

Basically, I cut myself a little slack and the job still got done. And everyone had a nice time.

On the 5th day of Christmas

On the 5th day of Christmas I looked after myself....

Now this is a tough one, but quite honestly, I tried not to be superwoman. And anyone that knows me, knows I'm more of a Wonder Woman girl anyway!

I did what I needed to do, worked my network marketing business, worked in my paid job with a little bit of adjusting to my hours, but I recognised that my body was tired so I didn't push myself to go to trampolining. 
We ate chinese for dinner (just the adults). 
We have only just sent the eldest to bed because he's just not tired before 10pm due to the meds he's on, which has meant a lot less screaming and making him do stuff that his body is just not ready to do.


Tomorrow is going to be a tough day to look after myself through!

On the 4th Day of Christmas

On the 4th Day of Christmas I looked after myself.....
By staying home. Yes, I did chores around the house for the day, but I also put on my favourite Christmas movie in the background. Can you guess what it was?

Here's a hint....

no?

my favourite scene..

So, can you guess??

On the 3rd day of Christmas

On the 3rd Day of Christmas I looked after myself.....

By being part of a pamper workshop that looked after other people and showcased the products I sell. And had a glass of wine with friends afterwards.

On the 2nd day of Christmas

On the 2nd day of Christmas

 I looked after me......

By having dinner with two families who love and accept us as we are.  We are so grateful for both of these families who are generous and kind and forgiving.

On the first day of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
I looked after me

By hanging out with 3 amazing ladies. Laughing a lot. Not talking about the shitty stuff of life, drinking wine, eating chocolate and pizza and watching Gilmore Girls.

We now call ourselves TANK

So thankful for amazing women in my life who fill my TANK regularly. 

Are you going to join me in the 12 days of Christmas challenge?

Anxiety and all it's vices

Hi everyone,

I'm writing this from a good place. Just so you know.

But I'm not always in a good place. Some things get me down. Lack of sleep gets to me, sometimes self inflicted, other times simply by children being up and in our bed through the night.  Sometimes it's because it feels like I have hit a brick wall.  Sometimes it's because of what someone has said, often without knowing the full weight of our circumstances.  And this is what I want to talk about.

Anxiety.

Feels a bit like a dirty word to me. But one thing that happens when you have children that don't always act "typically" you become really anxious.  You worry about every move that they make. You worry about how something as simple as another child coming to join in their play in a playground might play out. You worry about how the other parents are going to see you. You worry that they are going to think that you are a crappy parent who can't teach their children not to hit or push. Mostly though, these parents don't really understand that Autism has this really nasty way of making that hard to communicate that it's not ok, but when you throw in verbal delays or even simply trouble communicating why you don't like something, then you live your life on the tenterhooks of trying to predict what is going to come next.  It's like your spider senses are tingling, but ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!

And, to be honest, I have learnt a lot about being a parent these last 6 and a half years.  The way I parent now is a very different way to how I thought I would.  I am probably a better parent in a lot of respects. Probably a better person too.  A much more compassionate and forgiving person.

But there is one thing that plagues me.  And that is anxiety.  Anxiety can really be debilitating.  It can stop me being able to communicate what's going on. It can make the simplest decision seem hard.  It can lead you down a path of simply wanting to crawl into bed and not face the world because of the things that may happen.  For me, the thought of running into someone that I have had a falling out with at the supermarket fills me with dread. Not knowing whether I will be ignored or whether the opportunity will be taken to point out all the things I have done wrong will be taken. And I'm not sure which one would be worse!  So it becomes easier to stay home so neither of those options occur.  I choose when and where I take my children. There are days where we choose to do something on the other side of town so that if something were to happen, then it's not likely to be around people we know.

Anxiety has been what has halted my writing on here. Worrying about how what I write will be taken. If it's too personal. If it's not personal enough. If my authentic self comes across to those who don't know me well, or for that matter, at all.  

There is a saying in the personal development world,  "feel the fear and do it anyway."  Now, whilst I'm not quite ready to throw myself across burning coals like Tony Robbins might have me do, I am willing to dip my toe back in the water at the moment. See how warm the water is.  Be a little braver. A little more bold. Be open to letting go of the fear and anxiety a little and letting my true self show.

Kelly xx